My little girl used to be the apple of her dads eye. She could do no wrong. He would throw her in the air, laugh when she pulled the books off the bookshelves, go for long adventures around the swamp together getting shoes and clothes completely soaked. Life was always so much fun with dad around. It was always me who would enforce the bedtime rules, the table manners, remind her to do her chores and be the main disciplinarian. It was hard, and sometimes I felt alone and sad doing it.
Today, my little girl is a teenager. 15 to be exact. She is so much like her dad in the way she thinks, processes, and argues - just like a lawyer. Today, they had a big fight about homework, grades and loss of priviledges. She stormed out of the house. He slung a little mud at me and then withdrew. I felt sick.
My husband is having a hard time seeing his little girl grow up, gain her independance and yes, talk back. It is hard for him to discipline with any effect now that she's a teenager. I'm witnessing in action what they always taught at parenting classes - You can't be your child's friend and expect to have authority when they get older. There needs to be fun, but a good measure of discipline along the way too. He's learning this the hard way.
I know the teen years are supposed to be challenging. Some days I want to completely give up. My daughter is used to me disciplining her...I've done it all along. We get mad, I dole out the consequences. We yell, we cry. She says how she hates living with our family and can't wait to move out in 3 more years. Sometimes she says she hates me, tells me I'm "mean." I know she's just venting, and I'm usually able to let her venom roll off me. Somedays I'm not as strong and it really hurts. I go to my bedroom and cry – wondering if I'm doing the right thing. Wishing there was a parenting manual like the one they give out prior to obtaining a drivers license. Something that has concrete directions for what is right and what is wrong, "do this but don't do that."
Within 24 hours we usually make up and my girl is right back sitting next to me telling me about her music, or important issues in her life. My heart melts and I feel bad for giving consequences. I waiver a bit, wondering in my head if I should let the consequences slide - I dread enforcing them and my baby girl is only here for "3 more years." But, I follow through, knowing I have to be consistent and hoping I'm helping her in the long run.
Now...if I could just remember where I hid her cel phone...